"I'm Really Sorry Skip But" (Excuses, Excuses) - The Top 40-Plus
Consistent availability has become a thing of the past, and the captain's life is now virtually impossible, here are some of the various excuses we have heard over the years...they are getting more and more spurious as time passes, and one begins to wonder why people join a club at all. Just to p+++ away £400?
1. "Sorry skip', I tried to drink a whole litre of gin last night and fell asleep on the train, ended up in Luton instead of St. Albans...slept through my alarm too".Player (not) making his debut for the Club.
2. Powerboat lesson- resurrected in 2012 by Cobby.
3. Powerboat show (not same player as above).
4. Going to a performance of Billy Elliott. (on the day West Herts played READING in the Cup, and lost 14-1. (ex- 1st team skipper!))
5. Having a tattoo finished.
6. I've got to buy an engagement ring that Saturday.
7. The garage lost my car!
8. SKIING (AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!).
9. Driving test (allowable if player goes on to drive to long away game where skipper has arranged pub stop on return route.
10. Looking at a car (allowable with the same conditions as above)
11. Buying a car (again allowable with above conditions)
12. I don't really do benching, I'm going to go home...(a modern classic)
13. I'm doing my tax return.
14. I'm going to a matinee performance of Lord of the Rings(former 1st team skipper and midfield hard man)
15. My parents want to go to a museum (You're not stopping them are you?)
16. I'm having a surprise birthday party (How can it be a surprise then...?!)
17. Going to the boat show (Not powerboats).
18. I'm in Paris with my girlfriend for our first anniversary (A 17yr old schoolboy!)
19. Organising an indoor sports day.
20. Extreme Sports weekend in Ireland (inc. Deep sea fishing- oooh that's sooo Extreeem!)
21. I won't be able to play on Saturday because I stood barefoot on a ring binder and it's gone quite deep into my foot. (GK... and trainee forensic scientist) .
22. It's my wife's 40th birthday and we're going walking in Yorkshire.
23. I'm taking my girlfriend skiing, in Milton Keynes.
24. I'm off to Salisbury to spend the weekend P***ed up on rough cider (committee member)
25. I've cut my hand in the washing up bowl.
26. I'm going paintballing.
27. I'm going on a two week sailing course (sailing!?!?!?)
28. Hamster/cat/grandmother died (This particular player was so careless with his pets/relatives that they always seemed to die when the 1st XI was "coincidentally" playing away in East Anglia somewhere.
29. I have to supervise the activities at my younger sister's party.
30. I'm going up to London to take photos of steam trains.
31. I'm going to a friend's wedding in Ireland, and I don't even want to go. (Men's 1s skipper)
32. I'm taking my children to Disneyland.
33. I'm giving up hockey to go windsurfing.
34. I'm too tired to come to training because of DIY (ex 1st team captain).
35. Long standing hairdressers appointment (Bloke- now has sensible, short hair).
36. I'm too tired to go training.- Lazy Cobby
37. I've had a DIY nightmare and currently have my finger in the water pipe to the toilet.
38. I've torn all the ligaments in my shoulder zip lining in Mexico...Tequeeeeeelaaaaaaa!
39. I know I said I'd umpire but I'm going grouse shooting (team skipper).
40. I'm on holiday in Canada (Fixtures Secretary- so you didn't know when the season started then?! (and Canada for heaven's sake, what's that all aboot?)
41. I'm going to New Zealand to represent England at croquet. (Our only international player!)
42. I'm so obsessed by Brazilians that I'm going to see some first hand...what's that? My team has an important fixture in their fight to stay up? Oh well...CAIPIREEEEEEENIA!
43. I'll be in Costa Rica, following a business trip with some extreme sports...(what? like zip lining you mean?) But I thought that last time...
44. I'm going to a vlogging conference in London.
45. (Same player a week later) I'm doing a vlog shoot in London.